Saturday, February 13, 2010

What if.........

I love to play 'what if'.  It's my favorite thing to do on a road trip.  Turn Rush Limbaugh on to a low hum, pop off the shoes and pull my feet up in the seat, and it's time to reconnect with Superman.  I like to talk to Bobby and I hope he likes to talk to me.  He's a pretty funny guy.  If he weren't verbally adept I think we wouldn't have made it very far. 

"Bob, what if you weren't funny?"  
"You would still love my for my physical prowess."

"What if I went on a mission?  Do you think you would have waited for me?  I don't think you would have."
"Um......I would have waited.  A) I was obsessed.....and might have died if you went on a mission.  B) And this is no credit to you.....No one else would have married me.  You should probably bear a great deal of shame that this is what you ended up with.  Besides my wit, highly attractive nature, and my above average fertility rate........I didn't bring much to the table."

"Bobby, what if I became a doctor?"
"You wouldn't have made it."
"Friggin thanks a lot!"
"No....I mean you are smart enough, but I don't think that's what you were meant to do.  You would have finished med school and then stayed home to be a mom.  That's what you were meant to do.  Look at your Nuggets.  You couldn't live without them."

"What if we weren't married and we met in an elevator?  Would you kiss me?"
"Well, Bob, that depends on if you were married, because I don't think you would kiss me if you were married to someone else.  You are too good."
"Ha.  You would kiss me anyway."
"What?  Why do you think that I have no scruples?"
"You couldn't resist me.  I know you would kiss me in an elevator if we were strangers.  Hahah.....look at you.  You know it's true.  I can tell just by looking at you."
(I decided to try to kiss him in an elevator and pretend we were strangers.  Attorney General Mark Shurtleff destroyed my opportunity and horned in on my elevator ride. Damn the man.)

"Bobby, what if we never met?  Do you think your life would be a lot different?  I think you would be an Lt. somewhere on your way up the ladder.......or a defense attorney.  I think I ruined your life."
"Well I definitely wouldn't be a road troop anymore.  And you would be married to a tank top wearing zoo keeper."
"No I wouldn't!!  I would be married to a doctor....the one I met in med school. Wait, no I wouldn't.  I wouldn't like his schedule either.  I would be married to a funny genius that had a lot of time off."

"What if I moved down here and we met in highschool?  Do you think you would have liked me then?"
"Ya.  I would have.  You were smart and funny......  I don't think you would have liked me though.  I was too shy."
"No joke."
"People thought I was stuck up."
"You are."
"No....I am very nice......extremely nice.....but I have small groups are better than large groups.   Any way.....I did suffer from extreme male phobia in highschool.  Which I have grown to realize I am grateful for.  I would have done anything for a guy after one kiss.  You should be happy I kept my lips to myself.  I was saving myself for you.  Don't you feel bad you kissed all of those girls?"
" (Snort)  Haaa, just because you didn't date ANYONE and therefore didn't even have a chance to kiss someone, doesn't mean you saved yourself for me."
"Yes I did meanie.  I am a fantastic kisser.  It's one of my only fantastic traits.  Lots of people would have kissed me."

"Bobby,, what if I were a cop?"
"You don't have enough frass."

The man kills me.  He knows me well enough to know what I am thinking about just by the way my heart beats.  It's sort of a good way.  Happy Valentines Day Bobby.  I love you.


  1. Seriously one of the best posts EVER! If I wasn't madly in love with Joe, I'd choose one of you guys....I don't know which one;)

  2. I am going to admit to stalking your blog. I want you to write a book because I think I could read more. You are a great writer and quite hilarious. I will leave you alone now.