Sunday, November 29, 2009

Out Of The Mouths Of (Blunt) Babes

No, that's not me........   The machine of torture however is the Ab Circle Pro.   We disconnected the cable (dish) about a year and a half ago.  I thought I was keeping the nuggets safe from the depraved world.  I'm not....Besides the fact that they go to school with children of depraved parents (another story) they also see TV at their various grandparents' houses.
Tonight during Sunday dinner the telly happened to be on (boo).  Soon this contraption of death shows its ugly face.  The lovely lady (and piping hot man) are swooshing their respective tails back and forth in order to rip their midsections.  My lovely, lovely little nugget looks up into my adoring face and tells me with glee and no shame that I need the Ab Circle Pro.  Upon asking for clarification............Piglet, with the excitement of Dr. Rey on Dr. 90210, pinpoints with the precision of the mad Dr. and his felt tipped pen, the areas of my middle that could use sculpting.  I gaped at her, nearly expecting to see the black marks readily available for the plastic surgeon to follow.  Having my innocent little baby happily tell me I need ab work didn't really make my day.  If I were normal it may have even been motivating.  But Maimy and I are sitting at our tightest.....and frankly we don't care.  We will now be purchasing loose fitting shirts.....;)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Maimy Is Good For Something After All

I have been trying with little success to halt my friendship with Maimy.  I am a slave to her whim.  Everyone I know has someone like Maimy.......even though they seem to have bettter control.  Superman has treboR.  treboR hardly shows his mischievious little face.  It can be a downer.

I have come to realize though......Maimy has her place.  She helps me in my struggle to forgive.  When I understand that someone else's Maimy had an overwhelming desire to do something ridiculous, stupid, selfish, self is easier to stand in their shoes.  It's a bit easier to forgive. 

Today I am thankful for Maimy.

Sunday, November 8, 2009


Well....Maimy has been down in the dumps lately.  She misses Superman, which in any case doesn't make her heart grow makes her angry.  She's overwhelmed and missunderstood.  She has too much to do and very little desire to do it.  I started giving her extra vitamin B and an immune/energy booster drink.....and like anything else that isn't Chinese food.....she didn't respond.  Maimy questioned whether speed would do her any good but Superman said that eventually she would crash and undo any headway she had made.  It didn't seem like a good idea.
Two of my friends happened to tell me about Reiki and emotional healing at the same time.  I'm wondering if they sensed Maimy simmering right under the surface.  I'm not saying that Reiki and emotional healing are the same thing here.  But they both seemed interesting.  As it turned out Reiki was MUCH more afforadable.  As it turned out...Reiki was free.  I could help out someone trying to get certified and I could try to exorcise Maimy.
I made the appointment for later in the afternoon so that I could try to accomplish what I hadn't in the previous that would be anything.  Maimy whined and dragged but I was able to accomplish some laundry and putting away Halloween decorations.  We dropped the nuggets off with Goose and headed to our first Reiki session.
The Reiki Chick is an R.N. trying to certify in order to use it in conjunction with nursing.  I was hoping for an epiphany.  I was hoping to leave without Maimy.........or at least have her subdued to a coma like state.  We laid on our backs.  We were given the instructions to relax.  We could talk if we desired .......or not.  I didn't want to.  I wasn't sure if Reiki Chick had to concentrate to pick up some kind of signal or what.  As it turns out I think she was rearranging my messed up energy.  She scanned our body without touching us.  Then she began the hour long session by putting her hands on our head.  Now, there I lie, desperate for a good reason to kick back and shut my eyes.  Do you think that I could rest?  No!  For the same reason that I can't sleep, I can't rest motionless.  As soon as the hands touched me, my eyelids began jumping as if Mexican Jumping Beans had slipped in before my eyes shut.  Explosions of purple light burst like grapes on the insides of my eyes.  I began listing the zillion things I still had to do for the rest of the week.  And all the while trying to pretend I am relaxed.  I tried not to move.  I tried not to breath.  I tried REALLY hard not to swallow.  Only when she reached my feet, after nearly an hour, did my thoughts lapse into that strange state right before you fall asleep.
Reiki Chick was not snookered by my attempt at faux relaxation.  She said she could tell I was tense and pretending to relax.  She also said she wondered if I have ever had anything wrong with my throat because she picked up something there.  I think it may have been me trying not to swallow, which made me realize how much I had to swallow.  She also said she kept seeing an apple.  Half of the time I was envisioning me cutting up apples because that is what I had to do as soon as I left and picked up Piglet and Paws.  She also sensed 'Sweetie'.  I think she thought someone must call me that.  Sadly I live in a state of existance where I am only called derivatives of 'Mom'.  I do however call the kids and their friends 'Sweetie'.  Hmm.
I sat up from my session and felt like I had just been awakened mid nap.  I didn't feel clear and my face was SO flushed.
I think there may have been at least a thin sheet of Saran Wrap between Maimy and I.  I didn't holler at the nuggets, finished a ton of laundry, cut up all of my apples, made dip, carpooled, read beddy bye stories.......all in a haze of contentment.  It only lasted until the next day though.
I think I will give it one more try.  Pray for my eyelids to behave themselves.