Cruella de Vil

I was doing dishes this morning when Piglet decided to have one of her bizarre conversations. 
Piglet: Mom we got to choose our moms in Heaven.
Me: Why did you choose me?  You could have gotten a rich mom, or a nice mom, or a cute and funny mom.
Piglet: You are nice......sometimes. And you are cute and funny.  And I don't know any rich moms. 
Me: You could have had another dad too.
Piglet: Other dads creep me out.
Me: So why do you think you chose me?  What were you thinking when you saw me? 
Piglet: You looked like you needed a lesson and I thought, "I can teach her a lesson."
Me: Oh ya, what are you going to teach me?
Piglet: To be nice......or Spanish.  Wait what does cruel mean?
Me: To be mean.
Piglet: Ya, I'm gonna teach you not to be cruel.

I guess she feels like not getting her way 100% of the time is cruel on my part.  Even I haven't learned that lesson yet.  Lesson # 12: You Don't Always Get What You Want......And How To Move On Gracefully.

Failure

Well there we were, Superman and I, planted on our little chairs in Nursery.  The little darlings were fighting playing sweetly with the race tracks and dolly furniture.  The last little boy to arrive brought his own Book of Mormon.  He was very excited to have his own book of scripture.  We asked him if he wanted to hold it or put it on the table.  The overwhelming desire to play with the train consumed his little soul.  He put the book down.  Then from the corner of the room we hear a tiny little chipmunk voice say 'This isn't a scripture class anyway.'  Ah, well thank you special little spirit.....it had only been moments from my last failure and the taste was beginning to leave my mouth......I couldn't quite remember what it was like.  But now I do.  That's right, no scriptures are being used in our Nursery. 

Crazy Eye

Where does the market for this come from.  Really........I want an answer.

Nugget #3 just became the second piglet to need glasses.  I didn't figure it out until 'Kindergarten Kickout', as she put it.  She totally failed her eye test.  I take that personally on more than one level.  A) It's not acceptable to fail a test.  It actually makes me feel dumb by association.  I feel like she didn't study hard enough and it's my fault for not quizzing her properly because I am a bad parent.  B) I feel pretty bad that my weak genetic makeup spread to my little beauty. 

What makes me feel a wee bit better is the fact that she was totally into eye wear as a fashion statement.  She had a wild time trying on pair after pair of pink and purple glasses. 
The doctor explained that because we had no idea she was half blind in one eye, the other eye had to do all of the work in order for her to see anything.  One eye was like a fat couch potato with a hairy back and long thick toe nails.  He didn't do anything but sit in a dirty recliner with crusty dishes and beer bottles surrounding him, watching soft core porn.  That eye disgusts me.  The other eye has sweet little biceps and triceps.  Her hammies and quads are cut.  Her abs have nary an ounce of fat.  She is so perky and toned that she can get away with boy shorts and a hot pink sports bra.  I'm pretty sure she has lush shiny dark brown hair.  I love this eye.  If Hairy Back doesn't get off the recliner and start pulling his weight, we might have to knock Perky Pink out with a roofie.  In other words, Piglet's eye is lazy.  If her glasses don't start to correct the problem, she may have to wear a patch.  I will most  likely buy her the heart one pictured above...*snicker*. 
Piglet didn't care.  She knew she looked just as good in glasses as without.  She immediately came home to spread the good news to Superman.   "Dad, guess what!!!!!!! I have a crazy eye!!!"

A Difference Of Opinion

Yes, I will be insinuating that SHE (right down there) is me!  HE however, may or maynot be Superman ;)

While one nugget points out our gooshy parts, another has a differing opinion.  Thank you Fire for your kind words to Maimy and I.  You made our day. 
Maimy and I have been tandemly salivating over a cream colored wool trench.  We both felt like it was an article of clothing we could not live without.  Sadly.......it was more than I would agree to spring for.  Maimy on the other hand knows that Superman has a soft heart when it comes to her desires.  After dropping subtle hints, (I had to put my hand over her mouth in order to keep them subtle) Superman realized that what we needed for our birthday was 'the coat'.  Luckily because I refused to let Maimy give specific instructions, Superman was able to find 'the coat' $30 cheaper than the one Maimy and I spied.  'The coat' came home as our birthday gift, which we received early!!!
Before you could say 'Bad Maimy!' she had the coat ripped from the bag and slung across her slim, yet muscular (in a very feminine way) shoulders.  Enter the Fire.  "Mom, you look just like that girl on Mr. & Mrs. Smith! Well, except you don't have a gun in your garter." (No longer a problem, Love.)  While Maimy gloated in the glory of that well placed compliment, I screamed, "When did you see Mr. & Mrs. Smith?!"   The answer:  While they were home with Dad.

Out Of The Mouths Of (Blunt) Babes

No, that's not me........   The machine of torture however is the Ab Circle Pro.   We disconnected the cable (dish) about a year and a half ago.  I thought I was keeping the nuggets safe from the depraved world.  I'm not....Besides the fact that they go to school with children of depraved parents (another story) they also see TV at their various grandparents' houses.
Tonight during Sunday dinner the telly happened to be on (boo).  Soon this contraption of death shows its ugly face.  The lovely lady (and piping hot man) are swooshing their respective tails back and forth in order to rip their midsections.  My lovely, lovely little nugget looks up into my adoring face and tells me with glee and no shame that I need the Ab Circle Pro.  Upon asking for clarification............Piglet, with the excitement of Dr. Rey on Dr. 90210, pinpoints with the precision of the mad Dr. and his felt tipped pen, the areas of my middle that could use sculpting.  I gaped at her, nearly expecting to see the black marks readily available for the plastic surgeon to follow.  Having my innocent little baby happily tell me I need ab work didn't really make my day.  If I were normal it may have even been motivating.  But Maimy and I are sitting at our tightest.....and frankly we don't care.  We will now be purchasing loose fitting shirts.....;)